How to Write Personal Vows for Your Wedding in Less Than One Hour

Straightforward Guidelines for Writing Heartfelt Vows That Won’t Take Forever

Writing personal vows for your wedding is an amazing way to express your love and commitment to your partner in a personal and heartfelt way. Unlike traditional vows, which are pre-written and recited during the wedding ceremony, personal vows allow you to speak directly from the heart, sharing your own thoughts and feelings with your partner. However, writing personal vows can also feel scary, as it can be difficult to put your emotions into words. In this blog post, I’ll provide you with guidelines and a step-by-step process for writing personal vows that will help you capture the essence of your relationship and create a lasting memory of your special day.

“This is soo helpful. I feel like writing my feelings is very difficult and I appreciate the time you took to break it down into simple steps!” – Lexi, Bride

Your wedding day is just around the corner

You couldn’t be more excited! But you’re also feeling the weight of your long to-do list. And on that list is:

Writing your vows.

You dream of writing vows that are a beautiful expression of your love to your partner. They declare promises about your faithfulness and your future together. And maybe they even cause people to shed some tears.

The problem is, you don’t know where to start. You don’t know where you’re gonna find the time to write.

And, honestly, it seems really intimidating.

I get it

My wife and I didn’t have the bandwidth before our wedding to write vows. Our wedding was still awesome, but personal vows would have been special.

As a wedding filmmaker and photographer, I love being able to include personal vows in the wedding films I create. They are always really, really touching. That’s what I want for you.

And that’s why I’ve written this guide.

I’ve been capturing weddings since 2010 and I’ve heard a lot of vows. In this guide, I’ve compiled all of my experience to provide with guidelines that will lead you to successful vows.

Know this: It’s completely possible for you to write vows that will be touching for your partner and everyone who gets the privilege of hearing them. It doesn’t have to take a really long time. And I’ve got a straightforward plan to make it happen.

So let’s dive in.

This is my wife and I on our wedding day! Photography by The DeLaCastros

Here’s the plan

Step One (10 Minutes) is what you need to decide together before you start.

Step Two (30 Minutes) is independently reflecting on your relationship.

Step Three (10 Minutes) is making final tweaks to complete your vows.

Step Four (5 Minutes) is writing your vows down on paper.

Ready? Let’s go!

Step One: Decide These Things Together (10 Minutes)

How long do you want your vows to be?

It can be a little embarrassing when one partner’s vows are four times longer than the other’s. It’s not the end of the world, but ideally your vows will be about the same length.

I recommend two minutes.

This is not a rule. There are plenty of incredible vows that last over five minutes. If you both have the moxie to write vows that long, go for it! The average couple will be able to express everything they want to say in about two minutes.

Keep in mind that this is how long your vows will be when you are speaking them, not reading them. Speaking is quite a bit slower.

Will you also have traditional vows?

In addition to your personal vows, will you have traditional vows? Traditional vows are when you say “I do” after a statement or they are phrases you repeat after your officiant. If you are not doing any traditional vows, decide if there are any promises you want to make to each other that are worded exactly the same.

How do you want to read your vows during your ceremony?

This is a practical question. Will you read from a handwritten piece of paper, a printed page, your phone, vow books, or something else? I discourage couples from reading from their phones as it feels less sacred.

I recommend vow books – they work the best. They look really beautiful, are small enough to fit in a pocket, and are a great keepsake.

Step Two: Write It Out (30 Minutes)

Now it’s time to go your separate ways and prepare words for each other. Find a quiet place. Grab some coffee. Silence your phone.

We’ll look at a simple three-part structure to look at separately and then we’ll combine them at the end. Here are the three parts:

STORY

PERSONALITY

PROMISE

Get something to write on. I’ll direct you to write out some things below. You can write in a notebook, computer, or your notes on your phone.

Let’s go!

Reflect on your STORY together

Remember the journey you’ve been on together and find one moment to highlight in your vows. Here are some key moments to consider:

• How did you meet?

• When did you know you were attracted to this person?

• What did you do on your first date and how did it feel?

• How did one person tell the other they liked them?

• When did you know you were in love and what was happening in that moment?

• When and where was your first kiss?

• How did one person tell the other they loved them?

• What was a significant obstacle you overcame together?

• What was a special trip you took together?

• Do any other special moments come to mind?

Choose one of these moments that is special to you and expand on it a bit. Think about it from this perspective:

• How did you feel during that moment?

• What does that moment mean to you now?

Write a paragraph about that moment in a story as if you were telling it to a group of friends.

📝 Write it out now.

Describe your partner’s PERSONALITY

Think about the qualities that make your partner unique and stand out from the rest. Here are some questions for you to consider:

• What initially attracted you to this person?

• What attracts you to them on a day to day basis?

• What makes them stand out from other people?

• What is unique about their outlook on life?

• What is your favorite thing about their personality?

• What impact do they have on you?

• How have you changed by being close with them?

• Why are you confident they will be a great partner?

With these things in mind, write a paragraph about the what makes your partner unique.

📝 Now, write it out.

Decide on your PROMISES

Promises are at the center of a wedding day and a marriage. You’re making a commitment to your partner. What promise, or promises, do you want to make?

Here are some helpful questions as you consider this.

• What does your partner need from you and how will you promise to be that for them?

• What does your dream life look like and how do you promise to create that with them?

• What impact do you want to have on the people around you and how will you promise to do that together?

📝 Write out 1-5 promises.

Combine it all together

Now take the paragraphs and promises you wrote and put them together. I’ve included sentence starters to give you some structure.

I remember when... (Put the paragraph about the story you chose here)

I realized that you are... (Put the paragraph about their personality here)

Now, I promise to you... (Put your promises here)

Step Three: Final Tweaks (10 Minutes)

Say it out loud by yourself.

Practice saying what you have written out loud. This could feel weird, but doing this will make sure it sounds natural and true to you. It will also help you make sure the timing is close to what you agreed upon earlier.

Use your phone’s stopwatch to time yourself saying your vows out loud.

🗣️ Say it out loud now.

If it’s too short: Return to the section about your partner’s personality and expand on it.

If it’s too long: Shorten the story you share about your partner by leaving out details that aren’t necessary to get the point across.

If it doesn’t sound like your voice: Adjust the words that sound too stuffy and make them sound how you would normally speak.

If you feel really uncomfortable while reading them: Ask a trusted friend to listen to you read them out loud and give you helpful feedback. They’ll give you pointers to adjust or give you the boost of encouragement you need.

📝 Make those changes now.

Step Four (5 Minutes): Write it in your vow book.

If you’re not doing vow books, do whatever the equivalent is for you.

📝 Write it in your vow book now.

🎉 You’re done! Check this off your to-do list and enjoy being one step closer to your wedding day!

Some Alternative Options

If writing personal vows still feels out of reach, that’s ok. It’s not for everyone. If you still want to express your love to your partner with words, here are a few great alternatives.

Share personal vows in private

This eliminates the pressure of having to say your vows in front of all your guests. A great time to do this is after the first look. Make sure your photographer and filmmaker know you plan to do this. Your wedding filmmaker would love to capture the audio from this.

Write personal letters

This option eliminates the audience of people, and you can do this without doing a first look before the ceremony. You can do this at the beginning of the wedding day when you are fully dressed. This is always really sweet.

Have your officiant speak on your behalf

You can each prepare a few words for each other, then send it to your officiant to read at the ceremony. This saves you from having to cry through your words while also expressing something beautiful for your spouse and guests to hear.

That’s It!

That’s my process for writing your own personal vows. This will have a huge impact when you say them on your wedding day and it will be a great keepsake to return to year after year. If you’re type-A like me and you want a list, here you go!

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Step One (10 Minutes): Decide These Things Together

• How long do we want our vows?

• Will we have traditional vows also?

• Do we want vow books or something else?

Step Two (30 Minutes): Write It Out

• Write about a favorite story together.

• Write about what makes your partner unique.

• Write your promises to them.

• Combine it all together.

Step Three (10 Minutes): Practice a Few Times

• Say them out loud by yourself.

• Make tweaks as necessary.

Step Four (5 Minutes): Finalize

• Write them out in your vow book.

• Check “write my vows” off your to-do list.

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Thanks!

Thanks so much for taking the time to read through this guide. I hope it helps you prepare for one of the most special days of your life.

If you want your vows professionally captured and tastefully crafted in a wedding film, we may be a good fit. My schedule fills up fast so I encourage you to reach out as soon as possible. Request my availability here.

I wish you the best on your wedding planning, your wedding day, and your future together.

Find out if we’re available for your wedding!